For some years now I’ve been doing some reading and thinking in an attempt to gain deeper insight into why I do and say stuff with the aim of growing myself up a bit. I have a list of books I found helpful here. Basically I’ve been trying to uncover what my deepest and stubbornest motivations, survival instincts, beliefs and values are. Sounds deep right?! Why go there when it’s easier just to stay in the shallows? Because I’m wanting some answers to the question ‘Why?’ Additionally, I’d like to change some of what comes out of my mouth [or sticks in my head] and, you know, those times when all control has exited the building.

Due in part to a lack of patience with myself and probably a large amount of naiveté, this adventure has taken [and continues to take] more time and effort than I thought it might [read hoped it might]. It’s OK if at this point you are laughing out loud. I get it. 

On a positive note I’ve learned some things about my family of origin, facing my shadow self… etc etc. I’ve also started [points for that, right?!] figuring out what core principles I want to live by [or to use a fancy phrase – my personal ethic]. I’m currently trying to re-learn who I am and want to be and how to be that person. Right now I would be very grateful for a silver bullet or a magic potion but at the risk of sounding cliché it probably is the journey or at least the process of discovery and growth that enables a human to mature. Which is not what I wanted to hear either. 

But there’s a silver lining. Which is just as well because we all need some positives right now.

I find a more organic metaphor helpful in terms of understanding the long term benefits of all of this. A strong tree [think Oak or Rivergum] often grows more slowly but also lives much longer and is more resilient overall. A faster growing tree often  doesn’t live as long [I should probably ask my brother who is a tree expert here but I know one example is the Australian ‘Silky Oak’. It’s not a true Oak but is actually a Grevilliea]. If I was to chose to be a tree I would happily choose to be an Oak rather than any tree likely to be blown over in the next storm.

Why all this talk about trees? 

Because I’m pretty sure that the resilience of a tree depends on the strength of its root system – or in other words, how grounded it is. In any case, I’m certain that I want to be grounded and resilient as a human being; less automatically reactive and more thoughtfully responsive. I guess it’s about self-control. Something I’m on a journey with. 

Maybe this feels like the lid of pandora’s box has just cracked open and that glimpse of the labyrinth of your inner person is motivating you to rapidly shut the lid and sit on it? There’s enough craziness in the world right now, hey?! But science and wise people have told us that this is not the healthiest way to live. And while we’re waging war against a global pandemic right now the lids of our lives keep opening despite how hard we sit on them. So I figure it’s a good time to sort through our stuff and figure ourselves out. Who doesn’t want to be grounded, right?! 

Jesus [ I keep mentioning this bloke because he said some very cool and wise stuff] puts it this way: the wise person puts in the hard graft to lay the foundations of their house in and on a rock so that when the storms come the house will stay put and the household will be secure. Grounded. Compare this to the person who is in a hurry and whacks together some sort of dwelling on the beach. We know what’s going to happen to this house. Jesus wasn’t talking about building houses [although he was a builder so he knew what he was talking about]. He was using a metaphor for people’s lives. He went one step further and said that the person who was grounded modelled their life on how Jesus lived life. The person who didn’t would find their life washed away in the next storm. It’s a pretty big claim but it also makes a lot of sense. From what we know about Jesus he was the most grounded person that I’ve come across. 

For me being grounded is about knowing who I am and what and who and why I’m living for. Not only knowing, but being disciplined to live it out. My favourite Danish philosopher, Søren Kierkegaard, said: ‘Now with God’s help I will become myself’. That’s how I see it working out in my own life. Netflix/Stan is a bit of an addiction that needs discipline for me. I’ve seen every episode of Elementary [of the 5 seasons available here]. The main character, Sherlock, is a recovering drug addict who attends meetings of Narcotics Anonymous. Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous wrote the 12-step model for recovery in 1938. Those who embark on this journey have come to the point of realisation that their life is out of their control and they need to make some changes. Step 2 in the process involves them coming to the belief that a power greater than themselves can restore their sanity. I’ve found that to embark on the journey of becoming a person of integrity means I need to continually crack that lid and take a long hard look at my shadow self. I’ve looked into various philosophies and the practices of the main religions and spiritual sects. I came to the realisation that the wisdom and truth of what Jesus said and did is by far the most grounded and logically true. Not only that, but he says that God actually wants to help us live our best lives. When I’m struggling in a dark place, or confused or feel I am just running around in circles the words Jesus spoke and the descriptions of his actions give me hope and a fresh perspective on my life. Like those who join AA or NA I acknowledge I need more than a self help trip and that, in fact, I need the help of Jesus’ God to change. And I’m very glad that he’s up for it.

This feels pretty solid for a blog. But something solid to stand on feels comforting right now. I wish you all the best in your own quest for becoming grounded. I just want to share one final thing with you that you might find helpful. There was this other guy who lived a few hundred years before Jesus, Jeremiah. He was really persecuted by the powerful people of his nation because they didn’t want to hear the messages he gave them from God. His words were nevertheless recorded for us to read, and in chapter 17 of the book about him he says

‘blessed are those people who put their trust in God and in what he can do. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream underground. It’s not afraid when the heat of the day comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.’